i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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