yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Found the puke drawer
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
lol hangovers are for mortals.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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