why didn't you poke me back
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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