God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is my gift to your gina
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize