I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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