I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
