we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
