i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
