never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're a disaster
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