Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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