I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
