Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
