We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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