She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
