I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
