Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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