We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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