mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize