she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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