No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
