i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize