Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had to cum in my sink.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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