I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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