I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
