You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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