If that was your dad, he is hot
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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