Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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