hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize