ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
