i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
