I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
