I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
