Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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