we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
