But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
