I must be too annoying 4 u.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
