Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
