My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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