his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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