oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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