yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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