you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
