never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
