There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
