I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
