I love black thongs
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
