Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
