He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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