I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
