He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
