two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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