So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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