Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
