i just had sex bonerless
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
