Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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