I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
