ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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