Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
