oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
