I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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