thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just want to make out with him forever
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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