Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize