I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
