i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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