Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have feelings that need drinking.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
