2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
