My nipple is on Facebook.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
