I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
