What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
