I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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