Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
