Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
