She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize