My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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