if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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