We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
