my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize