I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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