Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize