That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
