...so i touched it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
