I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I FOUND THE LEGS
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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