You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
